When the Person Gets the Blessings of God Because of Their Name

A guy was called Paul Norbury but, in the USA, everyone was used to call him Norbury. Some said Dr. Norbury. Others said Norbury. 

Someday a woman from South America who was suffering extraordinary crimes, true atrocities, for one decade and a half heard, as she was passing by the reception desk, this after once more trying Norbury for help:

- So, what is her problem?

- True atrocities, several years; poor thing. 

Nobody wants to help. 

- It is a good thing that Norbury will help her then. May God bless him!

Laugh a bit, please

Jolie and the Unnoticed Release of Unwanted Gas

It was a social gathering in ancient style...

All dressed accordingly: carrying walking sticks that they didn't actually need when they were men and wearing corsets with the objective of constraining obesity to bearable levels when they were women. 

The background music was what nowadays we use in funerals. 


A maid went around offering liquor. 

Spectacles that cover only one eye and hang from chains of gold were seen everywhere. 

A dog of style, of those whose bodies make waves, so elegant, of really long legs and spine, is relaxing under the chair of this really fat man, who is perhaps a relative of the KFC Colonel (KFC man). 




Politeness levels are so extreme that conversations sound like murmur. 

All of a sudden, a noise, a very loud noise, is heard. 



Everyone seems to direct their eyes to where the KFC man is. 



He quickly responds to their interest by turning to the dog and saying: Jolie, get out of there, Jolie! Go for a walk. 

Jolie is not his dog.

Ten minutes pass and the KFC man gets the attention of all once more, the turning of eyes happen again, and he again says: Oh, oh, Jolie, please go for a walk. I don't understand why you are still there. 



Jolie looked at him, understood, but did not comply. 

Thirty minutes pass.



The scene repeats.



This time, before the KFC man releases the token that is directed to Jolie, her owner intervenes: Jolie, get out of there immediately before this man releases his excrement over you! 

(This time Jolie moved and she then ran away)

Laugh a bit, please

Knock Knock

A man asked me: Marcia, how can I know if I am dealing with a female prostitute or not? 

I answered: You knock at her head. If you hear an echo, then you are. 

Laugh a bit, please

Daddy Always Can

So, my father, The General, took me to the ice skating rink for the first time. 

We both dressed the special skates and went to the rectangle.

I was extremely reticent and yellow of fear. 

My father looked at me as if he did not know me. 

He took that position of it is all routine and went, so that I am realistically watching a man who is more than twice my age going around with confidence while I support myself on the rail with all my forces. 

I am like not even two meters skated when my father is completing his first round trip; his first full ellipsis over the ice. 

I am thinking that this is going to be traumatizing for me, since I am not really going to be able to evolve much from what I am currently doing. 

That is when I hear the thunder: I look and my dad is belly up, completely flat on the ice, body all open to the sky, as if he were in a cross, and with legs wide open. 

It was such a noise that I could swear the place was exploding. 

I could not yell or anything because he was looking exactly the same, like same expression on the face and all. 

My daddy was a tough man: That rink he could take sip by sip. 

I am perplexed watching and curious about what is still going to happen.

I find it weird that everyone else seems to think like me and nobody is actually moving to help him. 

I think I mumbled something; not sure. 

That is when daddy gets up as if nothing had happened, his 1.80 m of height, his body with all that hair that he always had, to the point of having to trim the nostrils, and starts skating again with exactly the same facial expression of every minute he had been there for that far. 

And there daddy goes again, I thought. 

And I was still hanging on to the rail in panic, now a bit more than before. 

Not even two minutes pass and thunder again. 

I cannot tell how it felt because, sincerely, I cannot connect to it, like I really don't remember. 

Again, daddy was flat, belly up, his eyes of frog wide open, and starring at the roof, his body in cross, legs open; all the same. 

Again everyone reacts in the same way. 

Again dad raises in exactly the same way and I am already thinking, what in a hell we are doing here, like one of us should know what to do. 

I finally found somebody to help me learn something and I was then starting to rehearse some steps without the rail but with the help of the lad's arm when thunder happened again: Oh, my God! 

I thought that that time daddy was gone forever: It would not be possible to raise a third time, to have fallen in exactly the same position, as all the previous times, in exactly the same way, having it all happening in exactly the same way in general, and then raise. 

Notwithstanding, not to be believed, daddy did raise again in exactly the same way. 

I took daddy home after that one: One of us had to take the lead and put things in order there...

Laugh a bit, please

Little John Lost His Ball

Little John screams: D A A D Ddy! Da aad dy! 

The theater lights go on after some five minutes of people listening to his screams. 

Little John's Dad: Oh, Jesus, why me?

The guardian comes around: So, what is your problem, little boy?

Little John: I lost my ball. 

The guardian: Oh, OK. Perhaps we will all look for your ball, so that you can keep on watching the movie with us, right?

Little John's Dad: You see, everyone stopped watching the movie to look for your ball. Are you happy now?

The guardian: We have now been looking for a while, but nobody has found your ball. How does it look like?

Little John's Dad: In fact, I do not recall having arrived here with any ball. How does it look like, Little John?

Little John: Never mind. (Puts his index finger inside of his nostril) I will make another! 

Laugh a bit, Please

Japanese: The Patience

They say, like everywhere, that the most patient people ever alive are the Japanese. 

Koji found a screw, got an abrasive thing and (loop from here when the time to loop comes) polished, polished and polished. The screw now looked like a brand-new one. He then directed himself to the nearest hardware store and said: I have a screw that I polished. It looks like a brand-new one now. Can I swap this for something?

The seller goes: Sure. I can take it and give you ten other rusted screws. 

Koji: Deal!

Koji went home and used the same abrasive material (loop). Now he had ten brand-new screws.

The seller, John, goes: Sure. Here you have twenty rusted ones. 

Koji brought all twenty shining like the sun to John and he now had forty.

He swapped again and swapped again and now he had one thousand rusted screws.

John pitied him and decided to offer one dirty and rusted car tire with a wheel inside. 

He then told him to clean and polish all until it looked good enough, then go to see Kevin, who worked at the car shop.

Koji cleansed the tire, polished the wheel, and, with it looking like brand-new, went to see Kevin.

Kevin offered three rusted wheels and three dirty tires in exchange.

Koji went away and came back with three brand-new tires and three brand-new and shiny wheels. Kevin gave him four dirty tires and four rusted wheels plus a steering wheel. 

Koji kept on going like that and now he had an entire car to fix. He put it to look as if it were brand-new and now one year had passed from when he saw John for the first time.

Kevin then gave him a car that needed to be cleaned and polished but was working and everything, so that Koji cleaned and polished his own car and he now could drive a car of his own for the first time in life.

Koji put on his best Sunday clothes, decided to attend the Catholic mass like that and, when he was coming back from the mass, an entire private airplane hit his brand-new car and exploded. He only had the time to run away. 

Koji was intact but the car was gone. He then came to inspect the scene: All was gone but a rusted screw. 



Koji then went home and polished, polished and polished the rusted screw until it was looking like brand-new...

Laugh a bit, Please

Extremism: Avaricious

Carlos was dying and his wife, Eliane, came to speak to him at his death bed.

Eliane: Carlos, is there anything you would like to ask your wife, Eliane, here?

Carlos: Yes, Eli, yes. 

Eliane: Whatever you say, Carlos.

Carlos: You know I will probably die today.

Eliane: Yes, Carlos, I do.

Carlos: There is only one thing I would like to ask you.

Eliane: What is it, Carlos?

Carlos: That you light off the candle after I pass away.

Laugh a bit, Please

He Died from Pah Phoo

So...



he was very used to clean his gun each and every time he shot because he had an old model and the powder would bother him. He would then always shoot, Pah, and blow, Phoo. 

One day, that was it: Phoo, Pah and he was gone forever. 

Laugh a bit, Please

Fidel Castro

Word was going around that Fidel had passed the lock on the funds in what came to Health. This joke appeared at that time.

Fidel visited one of their hospitals in Cuba. He stopped by the first patient he saw there. He then asked: What do you have?

Patient: Haemorrhoid, Sir. 

Fidel: Well, take a cotton bud, immerse in mercurochrome, and put it there, over the entire area.

He walked a little and then went to converse with the second patient. He asked the same thing: So, what do you have?

Patient: Haemorrhoid, Sir. 

Fidel: Well, take a cotton bud, immerse in mercurochrome, and put it there, over the entire area.

He kept on walking and speaking always to the next patient for a while and everyone there had the same problem. He then always said the same thing: Well, take a cotton bud, immerse in mercurochrome, and put it there, over the entire area.

When he reached the last patient in that ward, the patient stopped him by the end of his sentence, so it was when he said "entire area". 

Patient: Can I ask you something, Sir?


Fidel: Of course.


Patient: That they please, for God's mercy, swap the cotton bud. 

Laugh a bit, Please

The Alligator Under the Bed

So, John was again at the doctor's office: Dr., there is an alligator under my bed.



Doctor: Right, John. What size?



John: Size of life!



Doctor: Have you been feeding and sleeping well, John?



John: I little sleep, Doctor. I am always worried about the alligator.



Doctor: Right. Anything that happened lately that made you be upset?



John: My wife had to travel to another state. She left two days ago.



Doctor: When did the alligator appear, John?



John: Two days ago.



Doctor: I am going to prescribe some sleeping tablets and I want you to take them with no miss.



John: What about the alligator, Doctor?



Doctor: I am thinking it will disappear after you take these tablets, John. 



John: It looks pretty real to me.



Doctor: They all look like that. Trust me, John. It will disappear.



(One week passes. Two weeks. Three. Six months)



The Doctor decides to call John. His wife answered.



Doctor: Who is there?



Wife: Pietra.



Doctor: Is John there? Can I speak to him? 



Pietra: He is not here anymore.



Doctor: Why? What happened?



(Long pause)



Pietra: The alligator ate him!

Laugh a bit, Please