Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Heavens and Utilitarianism







Everyone was revolted because Manuel entered heavens, so that they all went to complain with God: This man is an animal! He has almost killed tons of people with his dangerous driving.



God then said, I sometimes manage things based on results: This time I worried about the conversion rate. 



My Lord, You should not think of exchange rates and money, since this is not a heavenly topic.



God then said, No, no, no. It is like this: People enter his cab and in less than five minutes I hear, Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God!







Let's Put the Brazilian Government Down!







How do we put the Brazilian government down?



Shake the tree!



And if it does not work?



Pesticide!



And if it does not work?



You don''t need to do anything: It is already down!










Teaching Language







The American asked the Portuguese guy, with his typical accent, What is e-di-fí-cio?




The Portuguese guy then said, In Portugal it is like this, you know: We put level over level, level over level, and, when we cannot put level over level anymore, we decide to finish all and we then say, Mas, ó, pá, é difícil, hein?









Sado-Maso







The sadist said to the masochist, Hit me, hit me, oh, please, hit me!




The masochist then said, No, no, no!








What Is It? (2)







What is black and red, black and red, black and red, black and red, black and red, black and red, black and red?



(Think)


(Think)


(Think)


...



A black cat in the liquidizer!







What Is It?






What falls standing and runs lying down?




(Think)


(Think)


(Think)


...



The rain drop!









Tuesday, 1 December 2015

A Racist Joke








The black kid went to the bathroom and painted his face in white using water paint: All was white, not even a black spot appeared.



He rushed to the mother and said, Mum, look!



She said, What have you done, damn kid!? Go back to the bathroom and wash your face immediately!



Not conforming, he rushed to the father and said, Dad, look!



He said, What have you done stupid kid!? Go immediately to the bathroom and wash your face entirely!



He then said to himself, Oh, not even two minutes that I am white and I already hate two blacks.