Sunday, 19 June 2016

The Ultimate Orgasm

One professional prostitute is saying to another: A man told me about The Ultimate and how the previous mistress enchanted him with such a thing. 

The other: What is this?

The first: You also don't know? He says that the guy stands on a chair, puts his neck inside of the rope loop and the rope is as it usually is when the person is going to commit suicide. The woman then performs oral sex with him, and, when he is almost in his climax, she takes the chair off him. 

The other: Really?

The first: Yes, and he then said that she was the best ever in bed.

Next day, the other came to chat with her at their usual time of being together, right before the shift, and she had a bulky thing to her spine. 

The first: So, what is this on your back?

The other: I will also be called the best ever in bed. Do you know why? I now have a 48 on me. I will put the gun on the guy's head. I will then tell him we will be playing Russian Roulette: If the hole is empty, he gets his orgasm. If it has a bullet, he gets orgasm with death. What about that?

Tuesday, 14 June 2016

American Humor x Australian Food

I don't usually see Americans making fun of the culture of other peoples, so that this video came as a surprise to me. 

I also don't usually see them stoned, rather the contrary: I only saw a very clean, healthy, and useful America when I there was before my martyrdom

Things were clean to the point of us having nothing, not even a single facial tissue, lose on the ground, like that was my experience at Epcot Center, Disney World, Bush Gardens, and even in the hotel where I stayed. 

Wow! That was life for sure, like all I really dreamed in my life was civilisation. 

I know true thinkers will say that that is what everyone dreams about, but I assure you that what people like Lea Ricci Pinheiro, Rogerio de Oliveira, Veronica Pinheiro Vieira, and some Australian young women like is a huge mess, like the filthier, the better they feel. 

I actually see very few people like myself/my mother/my father/my grandma (mother's side)/my granpa (father's side): Who really love cleanness, beauty, good health, good performance, etc. 

Watch this: US x AU 

You won't believe it. 

I was actually having a wonderful stay at Grace College by the time I was attending the University of Queensland. 

It was then that I had breakfast with THE GIRLS for the first time. 

Everyone was spooning inside of a container full of a really dark matter. 

I then inferred, by means of my highly analytical mind: Chocolate! 

Not being able to contain myself, I asked the girl before me and she said that it was good, but I had to be moderate, that it was something really Australian. 

I saw all the girls before her spooning and I go: No way, I am going to do that too (like, she can only be trying to make me have less than they have or something). 

Well, not having observed what anyone else was doing after spooning and putting that extraordinary amount of the dark matter inside of their plates, I just thought normal way: It can only be nice, Australian chocolate or something. 

They all took so much of it! 

I then did not talk or anything: Got my soup spoon and went for it. 

All looked really nice, so that I just trusted my instincts, opened my mouth really wide, and bit (Jesus Christ! Wow, man!). 

That was indeed Vegemite. 

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Do You Want my Kid?

Little John screams: D A A D Ddy! Da aad dy! 

The theater lights go on after some five minutes of people listening to his screams. 

Little John's Dad: Oh, Jesus, why me?

The guardian comes around: So, what is your problem, little boy?

Little John: I lost my ball. 

The guardian: Oh, OK. Perhaps we will all look for your ball, so that you can keep on watching the movie with us, right?

Little John's Dad: You see, everyone stopped watching the movie to look for your ball. Are you happy now?

The guardian: We have now been looking for a while, but nobody has found your ball. How does it look like?

Little John's Dad: In fact, I do not recall having arrived here with any ball. How does it look like, Little John?

Little John: Never mind. (Puts his index finger inside of his nostril) I will make another!