Saturday, 21 May 2016

Guinness Book





Who told me this one was Cristine, a French fellow from Grace College. That was 2000. I credit her with the joke because I think that she does not know that I suffer atrocities and therefore she could not have done anything to help  or save me, in principle. We know, jokes are, in principle, public domain, but I do give credits for intellectual property, even for tokens of wisdom, whenever I can, since I respect to an extreme the rights of others to privacy, property, and freedom, and I do think that is how we make this world be bearable: Respecting those to an extreme. 



Cristine then said something like this:



You don't know this woman who entered the Guinness Book for having intercourse with the largest amount of men we have counted so far? 



Me: No. Joking?



Cristine: Not joking, true. 



Me: How could they possibly do something like that?



Cristine: The woman was lying down with the legs wide open, naked, and there was a huge cue of men who had put their name down, all there waiting to have sex with her. 



Me: Joking? 



Cristine: Serious.



And then, in the middle of the cue, there was this one guy with a bunch of flowers in his hand...






Japanese Virtue: Patience





They say, like everywhere, that the most patient people ever alive are the Japanese. 



Koji found a screw, got an abrasive thing and polished, polished, and polished. The screw now looked like a brand-new one. He then directed himself to the nearest hardware store and said: I have a screw that I polished. It looks like a brand-new one now. Can I swap this for something?



The seller goes: Sure. I can take it and give you ten other rusted screws. 



Koji: Deal!



Koji went home and used the same abrasive material. Now he had ten brand-new screws.



The seller, John, goes: Sure. Here you have twenty. 



Koji brought all twenty shining like the sun to John and he now had forty.



He swapped again and swapped again and now he had one thousand rusted screws.



John pitied him and decided to offer one dirty and rusted car tire with a wheel inside. 



He then told him to clean and polish all until it looked good enough, then go to see Kevin, who worked at the car shop.



Koji cleansed the tire, polished the wheel, and, with it looking like brand-new, went to see Kevin.



Kevin offered three rusted wheels and three dirty tires in exchange.



Koji went away and came back with three brand-new tires and three brand-new and shiny wheels. Kevin gave him four dirty tires and four rusted wheels plus a steering wheel. 



Koji kept on going like that and now he had an entire car to fix. He put it to look as if it were brand-new, and now one year had passed from when he saw John for the first time.



Kevin then gave him a car that needed to be cleaned and polished, but was working and everything, so that Koji cleaned and polished his own car and he now could drive a car of his own for the first time in life.



Koji put on his best Sunday clothes, decided to attend the Catholic mass like that, and, when he was coming back from the mass, an entire private airplane hit his brand-new car and exploded. He only had the time to run away. 



Koji was intact, but the car was gone. He then came to inspect the scene: All was gone but a rusted screw. 



Koji then went home and polished, polished, and polished the rusted screw until it was looking like brand-new...






A Racist Joke: The Jews





They say, like everywhere on earth, that Jewish people are very much avaricious. We would hope that is just prejudice, but this man, Yohanes, was dying, and his wife, Sarah, came to speak to him at his death bed.



Sarah: Yohanes, is there anything you would like to ask your wife, Sarah, here?
Yohanes: Yes, Sarah, yes. 
Sarah: Whatever you say, Yohanes.
Yohanes: You know I will probably die in hours.
Sarah: Yes, Yohanes, I do.
Yohanes: There is only one thing I would like to ask you.
Sarah: What is it, Yohanes?
Yohanes: That you light off the candle after I pass away.






He Died of Pah Phoo





So...



he was very used to clean his gun each and every time he shot because he had an old model and the powder would bother him. He would then always shoot, Pah, and blow, Phoo



You know, one day, that was it: Phoo, Pah, and he was gone forever. 







Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Fidel Castro







Word was going around that Fidel had passed the lock on the funds in what came to Health. This joke appeared at that time.






Fidel visited one of their hospitals in Cuba. He stopped by the first patient he saw there. He then asked: What do you have?





Patient: Haemorrhoid, Sir. 





Fidel: Well, take a cotton bud, immerse in mercurochrome, and put there, over the entire area.






He walked a little and then went to converse with the second patient. He asked the same thing: So, what do you have?





Patient: Haemorrhoid, Sir. 





Fidel: Well, take a cotton bud, immerse in mercurochrome, and put there, over the entire area.






He kept on walking and speaking always to the next patient for a while, and everyone there had the same problem. He then always said the same thing: Well, take a cotton bud, immerse in mercurochrome, and put there, over the entire area.






When he reached the last patient in that ward, the patient stopped him by the end of his sentence, so it was when he said "entire area". 





Patient: Can I ask you something, Sir?




Fidel: Of course.




Patient: That they please, for God's mercy, swap the cotton bud. 








When Your Advice Can indeed Kill






So, John was again at the doctor's office: Dr., there is an alligator under my bed.



Doctor: Right, John. What size?



John: Size of life!



Doctor: Have you been feeding and sleeping well, John?



John: I little sleep, Doctor. I am always worried about the alligator.



Doctor: Right. Anything that happened lately that made you be upset?



John: My wife had to travel to another state. She left two days ago.



Doctor: When did the alligator appear, John?



John: Two days ago.



Doctor: I am going to prescribe some sleeping tablets and I want you to take them with no miss.



John: What about the alligator, Doctor?



Doctor: I am thinking it will disappear after you take these tablets, John. 



John: It looks pretty real to me.



Doctor: They all look like that. Trust me, John. It will disappear.



(One week passes. Two weeks. Three. Six months)



The Doctor decides to call John. His wife answered.



Doctor: Who is there?



Wife: Pietra.



Doctor: Is John there? Can I speak to him? 



Pietra: He is not here anymore.



Doctor: Why? What happened?



(Long pause)



Pietra: The alligator ate him!






Wednesday, 11 May 2016

Electrical Love






We watched Sex and started thinking about how a woman could be having sex with Slavisa and surviving the experience: The human body can heat up to death even during sex. See Research and create awareness regarding that: They will probably say that the person died from a heart attack, but what really happened was overheating. 



Basically, if our body temperature can raise in an uncontrollable way during sex, sex with this man, Slavisa, may definitely kill the woman. Should he go around wearing a sign or something? Perhaps May Experience Fatal Shock during Sex



We do that to products and things in general, don't we?