Friday, 15 January 2016

Take it Here, Get it There






The married guy was at the massage parlor again. This time he said: I come here because my wife never gives me a massage.



The masseuse replied: She is not getting enough money to do that.



Why are you saying that?



That is what she says when she comes here to work on Fridays. 




Words that Promote







The professional prostitute was passing by a construction site. 



The builder stopped all and said: Wow, what a Barbie!



She replied: Engineer!









Look through the Star!









The two half-drunk males were in their Mercedes Benz when the driver said to the other: Look, a righteous Brazilian woman!



The other half looked through the star in front of the vehicle and then opened his door abruptly: I thought you would miss her!



One Beyond Disgusting






One leprous patient said to the other: I would love to have mince today. That would be better than just rice and legumes.



The other said: Just a minute. 



He then rubbed one wrist against the other (he had already lost his hands) over the other's food. 






Mother's Love







Some say that the mother's love is infinite, so that this one might be possible.



The guy was a monster and had drunk a lot once more. He lived with his mum despite his age, 40 years old.



The poor old woman had already told him that she could not cope with his drinking habits anymore, that she was getting tired of cleaning the house, paying the bills, and others.



He arrived in that state and came by car. 



The poor mother was in the front yard collecting his clothes.



He did not see her or could not stop the car in time, so that he ran into her. After he heard her yelling, he thought that the yells were coming from the back and he had simply put her against the wall, so that he went forward with the car finishing to kill her. 



Being as drunk as he could be, he thought that she was sitting on her chair, as usual, so that he went in and slept until the next day, lunch time.



When he finally recovered part of his senses, he found the mother squashed under his car. He still heard her voice from beyond, however: I love you, my son.











But It Is Ours, and that Is All that Matters!






They were waiting for the news about the newborn. 


The doctor came.


- So, doctor, where is it?


- I thought I should prepare you first. The nurse will arrive with it in a few seconds.


- So?


- Your baby does not have the arms, both arms.


He stares at her, she stares at him. They both say: It is OK, but it is ours, and that is ALL that matters!


- Oh, well, it also does not have the legs, both legs.


They again stare at each other and then say, after a pause: But it is ours, and that is ALL that matters.


- Oh, well, it ALSO does not have the torso.


- What? 


Longer pause, much longer. 


- So, doctor, what is it that it has got?


- An ear: It is a big ear!


They stare at each other and go again: It is ours and that is all that REALLY matters. Anything else?


- Oh, yes: It is deaf!