Thursday, 28 July 2016

Amount of Vocabulary and Future

What you are going to be in life when you are an adult is probably dictated by the amount of words you can handle by the age of nine years old.

They asked a best-selling author what he thought was the best thing in life. 

He answered:

In this age and time, given the process of slow deterioration of human values and the quick march of technology, I would think that the epithet of the human life climax would be joint healthy delusion involving romance. 

They asked an interpreter/translator the same question. They answered:

We have to be practical: Money and influence are all that really matters.

They asked a brick layer: 

Best? Life? 

Thursday, 21 July 2016

Infamous and Beyond: Carioca Love

The female Brazilian amputee, who did not have both legs, decided to go on a romantic date again. 

Same same, and she met this one on the Internet. 

Fifth time. 

She still had hopes. 

They go to have dinner together. 

He was not an amputee. 

She preferred like that. 

He is about to drop her home, they are at the front. 

He sees the tree and has the idea: He puts her on it, and rapes her. 

In the end, he picks her up in the same way he put her there, and apologizes: That he couldn't hold himself, etc. 

She answers: It is all right. 

All the other four left me hanging on the tree. 

Thursday, 14 July 2016

Emergency, Mental

A man called The Interpreting Services: 

- Hello. 

- Hello, I am your interpreter. What are your first and last names?

- Malcom Roi.

- OK, Malcom. We are going to help you do what today?

- I am at the Mental Hospital, car park, downstairs, in front of the mental ward. They told me that there is no interpreter for me. 

- We are here for you, Malcom. So, who told you that there was no interpreter for you? For when do you need one? 

- The nurse. She came around, gave me a piece of paper with the number for your services, and then told me that they had no interpreters for me. That is for today, just now. 

- You say you are in a mental hospital, right? Do you mean the psychiatric ward of a hospital, what hospital?

- Paradox. 

- Ah, just a minute. Operator? So, here we have Malcom Roi. He says that he needs somebody to help him speak to the hospital staff but they are saying that there is no interpreter that they can reach. They then gave him our number. Can you do something about it?

- Sure. I will call them and see. (The operator makes the connection) Here is Marleen, interpreter. 

- Marleen, we here have Malcom Roi, and he says that he is at the car park of your hospital, downstairs, in front of the mental ward. 

- Ask him what he wants.

-What do you want, Malcom?

- I want to get out of the hospital. The doctor told me that I had to sign some papers, and I then need the help of a translator/interpreter. 

- Is he a patient here?

- Are you a patient at the Paradox, Malcom?

- We had a fight, and the lady called the police. They then brought me here.

- Where is he now?

- He said he is close to the car park, downstairs, in front of the mental ward. 

- Is he outside or inside?

- Malcom, are you inside of the hospital or outside?

- Outside

Monday, 11 July 2016

The Life of Actual Women in the 21st Century

And there she was: Hanging by half of each hand from the 10th floor of the building where she lived, her apartment

The front door was open, a bag containing 100,000 dollars was in the living room, but she was screaming and hanging. 

She had spent four weeks selling her New Rosary, five days out of seven during each week, in The Mall, and had sold 10,000 of them, quite miraculously. To sell all, she had to carry them by the fifties: A walk of about half an hour to go to The Mall, and another walk, of another half an hour, to come back home. She made this trip ten times each day, and she managed to sell 500 each time, quite miraculously. 

The husband had died in a car crash and she started praying more than the usual. God then blessed her with His words. Now she was hanging by the half of each hand from the 10th floor and the 100,000 dollars rested in the bag in her living room.

Here came a Brazilian man: Heard her screaming, got in, saw the green bill coming out of the bag, asked her about it. She said it was the money for the New Rosary that she had sold, 100,000. The Brazilian man said: Hum, money that is cash, nobody knows exists in any official way, and is still money that is not subjected to taxes? She screamed: Please save me

The Brazilian looked at the bag, and then at her: Her hand was already becoming red, and she could not stand thinking of how to save herself anymore. The Brazilian decided for letting her die, and getting the money after that. 

The Australian  man was in the building, heard her screaming, saw the bag, was going to save her, and then heard from the Brazilian man who was inside that the bag contained 100,000 dollars that nobody knew existed in terms of taxes or anything else. The Australian then proposed that they shared after she died, since it shouldn't take long.

The American man was in the building, and heard her screaming: He entered, saw both the Australian, and the Brazilian to one of the corners of her living room, and rushed to save her. Both the Brazilian, and the Australian showed their teeth, and their muscles, and blocked his way. The American then conformed, for he feared both the Australian, and the Brazilian, and he then stayed around to try to find an opportunity. 

Five more minutes of her screaming, and an Islamic guy appeared at the bottom of the building, a black guy. He said: Die, die, and die! (And he did not even know about the money!).

That was when she fell to her death, and there was blood at her face, which actually looked a bit like Christ's face. The Islamic man then said: She deserved! A Christian man approached, and said: Why? Did you know her? The Islamic guy said: It is a woman!

The American guy then cried as both the Australian, and the Brazilian left with the bag full of money. He was later on arrested for denying help, and not stopping theft when none of the subjects had weapons. The Christian is still praying the New Rosary on the hope she will come back, just like Christ did: Better some sort of life than none, he says. If she comes back as a spirit, I will help her.